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Shit Happens, all the time.

WARNING, This is an emo post!!!
Life was all great, I have a good career, friends, colleague, Best Buddy, family, and not forgetting someone that I really care and cherish. I've also just throw a party recently to celebrate my 24th birthday, and glad that everyone made an effort to come. Just when everything was sailing smooth, shit happens.

Today my best buddy tells me that he is sorry. He is sorry because he fell for the most important girl in my life. To make matter worse, he said he knew that this girl is going to ruin our friendship someday because he will have to make a choice. Today he made the choice to be with that girl, but at the same time he still want to keep the friendship with me. Dont you think that is too much to ask for? why are you so cruel to me?

I felt so betrayed, and regretted badly that I have introduce them during the food tasting session prior to my party. Just when my world was full with hopes and dream, he has to take it all away and leave me with nothing but a broken heart.

I really don't understand how can a guy, whom I call my best buddy could ever do this to me. As guys, we always have this unwritten rules not to go after another buddy's girl. But guess he didn't really appreciate our friendship in the first place. Cause if he really value the friendship we have build, he would have put a stop and prevent this from happening from the very beginning. What the use of apologising & seeking for forgiveness now that the damage is done? I don't think I can ever accept a friend again, especially someone who have done so much damage to my life, and abuse me emotionally.

I'm darn emo today, and will most probably be worse in the coming weeks. This shit happen to me once 3 years back, and now its coming back to me again. Why Why Why? is this a curse cast upon me. oh GOD, please help mend my broken heart. it really hurts badly.

Was out clubbing last night trying to forget everything, but i fail to get myself drunk, and I stayed awake till now. More than 36 hours without sleep, I'm not feeling darn fxxking tired, emo, sad, and most of all, my heart is dam pain.

Ever know what its like to cry without tears? It hurt much more than getting a cut on your hand. It hurts much more than losing your favourite phone. Its so dam fcuking pain. Now I know why people commit suicide, cause the pain is so unbearable.

Mr Tan, you have left a dent in my life, you have rewrite the story of my life, you have gave me more sorrowness, and thank you for all this cause you have put a very good foundation for me to be stronger person. You ask me to give you a call when i forgive you. Do you think that will happen? Yes it true that everyone deserve a second chance, but do you think I am so stupid to let you betray my trust again? NO, the answer is NO. Even if you leave her one day, or she leave you one day, I can never accept you as my best buddy again. Because I'm not gonna give you a second chance to hurt me again.

In the same incident that happen 3 years back, I never bother talking to the guy again. Though I still maintain a good friendship with that girl that was involved in the drama.

My heart is crying, its bleeding, and the doctor cannot do anything to stop it. No one will ever understand how I feel now, unless you have been in such similar scenario.

I just cant understand why must shit always happen to me? What have I done wrong? I'm very nice to all my friends, colleague, family and even strangers.

All i want now is to get a good night rest, yet my mind cant go to sleep. argggggggggg it hurt so much, so much that I feel like screaming out loud and crying out loudly. I'm one lonely soul. More emo post to come soon, please bear with me during this tough times.

4 comments:

c H ε R i ə B з R я Y said...

Stay strong Charlie. I know it's easy to say but you definitely need to be strong for now. As what you've mentioned in your post, they have made you to become a stronger man. Despite the betrayal, stay positive! It's a lesson that you've paid to learn. Not in terms of cash but in terms of friendship which is infinity times much more valuable. You have a transparent view on them. Now you can clearly see who were they before and who are they now. There's no right or wrong in love neither should you keep hatred and regrets in yourself. Let bygones be bygones. Good times will come to you soon enough. I strongly believe in karma. So should you as well. You're a good man Charlie, you will definitely be appreciated by the ones who are really sincere to you.

Charlie said...

Cherie: thanks for your concern. Though we don't really know each other, but I really appreciate it. Thanks

KhaiJia said...

Charlie,

To learn to forgive is the best thing in life.
To learn to let go is the hardest thing, but i'm sure its achievable if you are determined.

It's never about betrayal, it's never about any other reasons whether one is valueing the friendship. If they are fated to meet, and be lovers, there's nothing you can do to stop the incident.

If you are destined to be with her, it should happen long time back- way before you introduce both of them in the food tasting session.

There are things in life which we will never, or unable to get it in a short period of time. We regret for not doing it earlier, for it's gone and the chance is never here again. But we treasure and appreciate that it was once here, which lighten up your life, brought some joys and shared some tears.

I guess your fate with that girl is limited to 'friendship', but not lovers. In life we tend to love a lot of people in different stages, but whether we get all of those in returns we shall never known. Be strong, but dont hate. You can choose to leave them for the time being to heal your maimed heart, but remember, do not hate them.

Since you are unable to be with that girl to bring her the happiness she's searching for, let your 'ex-buddy' aka stranger for now, to do it on your behalf. It's always very noble to say 'you jaga her on my behalf and be good to her', though in real i know not many people can do it.

Trust me, try to. Try your best to forgive and forget. I know its not easy to meet someone that you love, and wanting to put your heart and soul for her. But be strong, there might be someone out there in the future who deserves your love, and returns in double.

Hope things are well with you :)

hugs.

kj

Anonymous said...

khaijia, what you said was really weak.

this is not the time to play the high and mighty card and some noble bullshit.

betrayal is betrayal, so if charlie wants to be pissed at them let him be.

saying craps like "jaga her on your behalf" is really load of shits, it'll only make you look weak and people to lose respect for you.

its ok if you don't respect yourself, please don't make charlie be disrespected as well.

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